Kent Day 1 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

It’s Mum’s birthday week, and she has chosen to base ourselves in Whitstable to explore the delights of Kent. We loaded the car with all our bags (you’d think Mum & Dad were going away for a month by the amount they’ve got) and began our journey to our first stop—Hever Castle. Unfortunately, after a brief stop at the services, I noticed a strange ‘clonking’ noise coming from the wheel. This meant we had to pull over to the bright yellow refuge area on the side of the M4. Thankfully, Nick from the AA came to our rescue, and got us back on the road, although this did involve closing the inside lane to get us back on the motorway.. Awks.

This slight hiccup meant that we wouldn’t have time to go to Hever Castle, so headed to Scotney Castle instead – a medieval ruin on an island in a small lake. We obviously needed to stop by the café first, but the wasps quickly took a liking to Santa’s Tango, meaning we needed to dash inside for shelter. We then got a stamp for the National Trust passport. Unfortunately, the lady stamped it right on top of another stamp, and then wrote the wrong date! Obviously Mum was fuming 😂 

Walking around the site feels like being transported back in time. The castle was built in the late 14th century and has undergone several changes over the centuries. Eventually, it was partly dismantled and became a garden feature. In addition to the castle, there is also a mansion known as Scotney New Castle, which offers stunning views of the surrounding area from the lake.

We arrived at our Airbnb and were delighted to find Prosecco and cakes left as a welcome treat. We unloaded the 1001 bags and headed out to explore Whitstable. It was unusually quiet, but this meant there was nobody about to get in Mum’s photos! We walked down to Tankerton bay, where unfortunately there was a school trip, getting in all of Mum’s photos 😂 Tankerton is known for its charming, painted beach huts and the gently sloping grassy banks that lead down to a shingle beach. A quick Google search shows that some of the huts can sell for as much as £60,000! But who wouldn’t want to sit on the veranda of one with a glass of wine and watch the world go by. 

We strolled back to Whitstable and found a lovely spot to sit and watch the sunset – luckily for Santa it was a watering hole selling Whitstable Oyster Brewing, and he enjoyed an Oyster Country Stout. 

Porto Day 2 🇵🇹

Our prayers were answered as we woke up to glorious weather. With the sun shining, we quickly adjusted our plans to revisit some of the stunning churches from yesterday, as the blue sky would really make the tiles pop. 

The Cat – a bright blue painted one, and a real ginger one. Obviously he deserved a bit of money as we couldn’t see him go hungry! Unfortunately the Cat Momma hadn’t seen my Momma put her money in, and started telling her off for taking a photo and ‘not paying’. Despite her earnest attempts to communicate (by repeatedly pointing at the coins and herself) the lady remained unconvinced, and carried on muttering to herself as we walked off (if only we could understand Portuguese!)

Livraria Lello – another ‘most beautiful’ and this time it’s a bookshop. Thanks to Instagram and TikTok, its popularity has skyrocketed, fueled by rumors that JK Rowling found inspiration for Harry Potter here (even though she has said multiples times that this isn’t true, she’s never even visited!) The entry fee of €8 is credited towards a book purchase, and we secured our timed tickets. Once inside you get the glorious scent of an old book shop, as well as by an art nouveau staircase and colorful stained glass above. However, it was absolutely rammed inside, with everyone trying to get that perfect candid shot. Whilst it truly felt like stepping into Hogwarts, the throngs of people made it hard to fully appreciate the architecture or browse the books—especially with prices soaring three times higher than at Waterstones!

Majestic Cafe – the one where JK definitely went! It’s adorned with antique mirrors, marble sculptures, and an intricately decorated ceiling, making this Art Nouveau gem a feast for the eyes. We were very lucky as we didn’t have to queue at all, but with such an iconic cafe comes an eye-watering price. But we still settled in for a hot drink and pastel de nata while indulging in some people-watching.

With our bellies full, we made our way back to the bridge, ready to cross over to Gaia—the heart of port wine since the 17th century. There was a group of lads lads lads getting ready to jump off the bridge, so of course Momma got ready to take a photo. Cue the non-jumping friend shaking a plastic cup for some Euros. Momma informed him she wasn’t taking a photo of the jumper.. but he definitely knew this was a massive fib! Gaia has over 60 port cellars in the area and 20 open to the public, and it was time for some tastings. Even though Momma doesn’t drink, I managed to coax her into a spot of day drinking, and we enjoyed a Sandeman whilst overlooking the Douro River. We explored Taylor’s, Cockburn’s, and Cálem, marveling at their extensive port collections and gift shops. And of course, we took advantage of their complimentary toilet facilities! We had planned of going on the cable car for some panoramic views, but obviously this was down for maintenance…

Half rabbit – made from recycled materials and rubbish collected from the city. Positioned at the corner of a building, one half is a burst of colors, whilst the other displays the original hues of the materials – hence the name ‘Half Rabbit’. We walked past this quite a few times whilst exploring Gaia, and we couldn’t resist pausing to admire this creative masterpiece!

Sunset – we had planned to watch the sunset from Jardim do Moro, but the overwhelming scent of weed sent us walking up a hill to a nearby monastery instead. We found the perfect spot and positioned ourselves ready to watch the sun go down. Momma then had a tap on the shoulder, and was given the universal sign of ‘can you move, we want to get in’. She definitely wanted to give them the universal sign to ‘f off’, but instead politely declined, telling them we had been there ages. The sunset might not have been the most spectacular, but it was still a nice moment to reflect on our lovely few days in Porto.

Time Out Porto – the ultimate solution when you have no idea what you want to eat. There were lots of fantastic food stalls, and if you love fish, then this is the place to go. If you’re like us and fish is your idea of hell, there are still plenty of options. We had the most delicious pizza and mushroom risotto.

Goodbye Porto – our final morning, and as we prepared to say goodbye to Porto, we squeezed in a few final church visits and a stroll along the river. Of course, we couldn’t leave without one last pastel de nata from the renowned Castro! The Uber ride to the airport was smooth sailing, and all was going well with getting home until a security mishap: I completely forgot about the Um Bongo in my bag! Cue a bollocking from the security lady.

Porto is a perfect ‘48hr city’, and could definitely be done as an extreme day trip. There are lots of hills to climb, but it’s so compact meaning it’s very easy to get about and see everything. From churches to Nata’s on every corner, it is definitely one to add to your list!

Pompeii 🌋 🇮🇹

Normal order was restored for the coach trip as we were up at 6:30 ready for a super early pick up for our trip to Pompeii. We were lucky as we had a very knowledgeable guide taking us around – but we did look like the ultimate tourist wankers as we donned the headset and followed the umbrella 🌂

A little history lesson for you all… Pompeii is famous because it was destroyed in 79 AD when the nearby volcano, Mt Vesuvius, erupted, covering it in at least 19 feet (6 metres) of ash and other volcanic debris. The cities and their citizens were discovered in the 16th Century, and they remained exactly as they had that summer day, frozen in time. The bodies of Pompeii victims had been covered in layers of fine ash that calcified over the centuries, forming a type of protective shell. When the skin and tissue of the Pompeii bodies eventually decayed, all that was left were voids in the layer of ash around them — in the exact shape of the victims in their final moments.

Made from pouring plaster into the air pockets, letting it harden and then chipping away the outer layers of ash.

There is so much to see here and I would 100% recommend a guided tour. There are many options, from 2 – 7hrs of walking. Although it’s incredibly busy, and at times hard to really take it all in, it is an absolute must in you are in the area. A particular highlight is hearing the word Penis mentioned at least 100 times whilst on the tour. They believed that having a phallus outside the home acted as a good luck charm (other theories suggest you followed the direction of the penis to the nearest brothel) either way I’m definitely going to have a massive peen on the wall outside my house 🍆

This afternoon was a guided bus tour around Naples. I’m going to choose not to write about this as we spent most of the time stuck in traffic, so didn’t really get to see much – Santa and Momma therefore took this opportunity to get a few Z’s in 😴 we did however get a very quick 10 mins to jump out the coach, grab a photo and a super tasty ice cream.

This evening we went back to the bar we sniffed out yesterday for a drink and views of the sunset. It was absolutely glorious and definitely somewhere we will return to during this trip. There is nothing better than sitting with a glass of white with a stunning view and some free nuts and crisps.

Tonights dinner, feat pudding which is also available at breakfast 🍧

Day 6 – The North 🇮🇸

We woke to drizzly morning, and after the daily chores of moving cases and putting the bed back to seats, we headed to our first stop – Hverfjall. This tuff ring volcano was created about 2,500 years ago, and has an incredibly impressive crater approximately one kilometre in diameter. The walk to the top is pretty hard going due to the loose surface, but when the rain and mist cleared we were treated to views for miles. There were a few groups heading down into the crater, but as they were equipped with poles and the proper gear, we decided it wasn’t worth joining them.

A rare treat for this trip was the next stop was literally 5 minutes down the road. The Grjótagjá cave features a beautiful geothermal hot spring which cannot be used to swim in to try and protect this unique pool from damage. There are lots of stories and legends surrounding this cave, however it was ‘that scene’ with Jon Snow and Ygritte in GoT that prompted our visit. The lad chose well!

During the drive to Mývatn last night we noticed lots of steam coming from an area, so again as it was close we decided to check it out. The smell of egg in the air is overwhelming thanks to the sulphur, but if you can handle that, you’re treated to smoking fumaroles and boiling mud pots.

Our final leg today was to Húsavík, made famous by the fantastic Eurovision film Fire Saga 🤣 and definitely not because it’s the Whale capital of Iceland.. by this point we were starving, so chose to eat at JaJa Ding Dong cafe (named after one of the songs from the film) and enjoyed some pizza whilst overlooking the sea.

We hadn’t planned on going Whale Watching, but with a 98% success rate we decided to give it a go. We were given super thick all in one suits to keep warm and headed to the rib boat. We were joined by just 2 other couples, meaning it was like having our own private tour. The bloke in front was the spitting image of Richard Attenborough in Jurassic Park, who half way through the trip had the audacity to stand up out of his seat and fart really loud!! We were literally sat directly behind him.. filth! Very soon after leaving the radio went telling the captain of a sighting, and we had our first glimpse of a humpback whale, which was amazing.

We had also booked the tour that included seeing Puffins, so we headed to the island where they’ve made it their home. Just like Skomer, there were 1000s of them, and being able to see them up close swimming around and diving for fish was so cool.

As we still had loads of time left we went further out to sea to see if we could see anymore whales. We were there a while and hadn’t seen anything, but just as we were about to give up and head back, we spotted a spouting, and then came the most incredible experience of seeing 4 humpback whales. It really was the most fantastic thing. As we were heading back there was a really loud bang and the rib boat stopped, and we were all convinced we would be stranded with the whales! It turns out there was a huge log which the boat had hit, which was very likely to be from a tree.. but also could have been from what one of us had produced with our terrible diet of car snacks and pasta 🤣

The drive to our next campsite was another scenic one. The light here, especially very late evening is just magical. We arrived at the huge site and found a place to park up, however it turns out it’s a favourite with gulls, who spent the next hour shagging on and sharting down the van!

Day 3 – The Southeast 🇮🇸

We woke up to another glorious morning and started the day with an Icelandic tradition – a communal shower bollock naked! The first campsite had cubicles however this one was very much everyone in and let it all hang out. It was one for males and one for females fortunately. After a cheeky wash we decided to treat ourselves to breakfast in the converted school bus on the campsite. The bagels and proper coffee definitely set us up for the way, although like everything else in Iceland, incredibly pricey.

Bagel bus

The first stop of the day was Fjaðrárgljúfur canyon. At 2km deep and 100m it’s incredibly impressive! I decided to buy a drone for the trip, however buying one for 40 quid off eBay rather than spending a bit more for a decent branded one was a massive mistake as the instructions are in Chinese and we cannot work out how to make it fly! So I sat and watched a man with his definitely expensive drone fly it into the canyon instead (I’m not jealous.. honestly!)

Whilst driving around Iceland you need to keep your eyes peeled at all times as there’s often places to stop on the side of the road, and we came across a fabulous little waterfall. The one downside to having a minibus sized vehicle is you can’t just whip it easily into the often tight spaces on the side of the road.

Our next stop was another waterfall, and the drive to it meant we got our first glimpse of the spectacular Vatnajökull National Park. In 2019 the park was given UNESCO status which meant I had another to tick off my expanding list. The walk to Svartifoss definitely got the heart rate going, but it was a great little falls and the ideal place to sit and have a thermos of coffee. We obviously chose the best time as there was hardly anybody else at the falls for the majority of the time, meaning we got to properly take in the beautiful surroundings.

If one canyon wasn’t enough, we decided to hike to another! Múlagljúfur Canyon isn’t signposted so getting to the car park can only be done after a bit of research, and what a hidden gem it is! The hike to the top is pretty hard going. At one point I didn’t think I’d be able to carry on (mostly because we’d already walked about 26000 steps) and my tired little legs felt like lead.. but once we got there – words cannot describe the view 😍 it was beyond stunning, even with the rain, and so so worth it. We then met a very enthusiastic American man who suggested we climbed a bit further, saying the view is like you’ve had ‘a big bang of coke’ so with that, we carried on. I can’t say if the view is a comparison to a coke hit, but I can say it was like you were looking into another world.

As it was now pretty late we decided to find a campsite, not realising the closest one was miles away. So we decided to make good use of the constant daylight and stopped at diamond beach. This gets its name due to the icebergs which fill the Jökulsárlón glacier lagoon washing up on shore, creating a stark contrast with the volcanic black sand. We were also lucky as there was a rainbow, which meant we got some incredible images. As you usually associate the beach with hot weather, it’s so bizarre to see have lumps of ice washed up on the shore.

Opposite diamond beach is the lagoon itself, where the still blue waters are full of enormous icebergs. As it was now way past midnight and we could not be arsed to cook, we sat down with a carbonara in a pot and enjoyed the fantastic scenery, as well as watching the seals swimming around – they have no idea how lucky they are that this is their playground.

We eventually arrived at the campsite just before 2am, so it was a quick set up and straight to bed ready for the day ahead.

Dubrovnik 🇭🇷

Today has been all about Dubrovnik old town. It’s known as the ‘pearl of the Adriatic’ and is popular for a reason due to it being packed with culture and history. This does however mean it’s a very busy place, especially when there are not one, but three cruise ships in!

The old town is so easy to get around and it’s full of cafes, bars and restaurants which are much needed in this heat 🥵 We started the day by tackling the city walls – a 2km loop of the old town. Although it costs around £20pp it is absolutely worth it and is one of the best ways to see the red tiled rooftops below. There is the option to finish the walls half way round, and this is great for those who struggle with lots of steps. As we worked up quite the thirst, we stopped at one of the bars for a beverage. As they only did full fat coke, we had to treat ourselves to something more fabulous, and went with a fresh OJ instead. With views of the glistening Adriatic Sea, red and orange rooftops, bustling squares, fortresses, the beautiful Island of Lokrum and of course an array of GoT film locations, it was the perfect way to start our day.

The other best way to explore is old town is just to wander up and down the narrow streets that feed off Stradun. Make sure you wear shoes with decent grip – the children playing football (in a busy square.. hooligans!) were able to celebrate their goals in style by sliding (a fair distance!) on their knees along the slippery street. There are so many shops and bars.. and cats to discover along the way.

After doing the obligatory steps of Cersei’s walk of shame (for all you GoT fans) we decided it was time for lunch, and found a lovely cafe that served the best beef and cheese sandwich I’ve ever eaten! You really are spoilt for choice for places to eat and drink.

Shame 🔔

As we love to chase a sunset, we decided this afternoon and evening would be spent on top of Srd Hill which we got to via cable car. This gives you great views over the city, but again comes at a price of £20pp for a return trip. There is the option of walking, but this felt like the best option for our tired legs. There is the option to take in the views from the platform by the cable car, however we decided to venture a bit further. After climbing up some dodgy steps and over a very uneaven path, we found the best place to watch the sun go down. It seemed to be a popular spot, but there is so much space to enjoy the beauty in front of you with all the other tourists. After catching mild hypothermia due to the temperature drop, we headed back to the old town on the cable car, and explored a bit more now it was all lit up and a lot less busy. Whether it’s day or night, the old town really is a great place to explore.

Dubai 6

Our last full day 😭 only a small maccies breakfast this morning because Friday in Dubai is brunch day!

This morning we had a lovely walk along the beach and did a spot of souvenir shopping before heading into Downtown Dubai for our big feast. Downtown is full of chic and rich people so I looked totally fabulous in my £10 Primark dress. We enjoyed cocktails with views of, you’ve guessed it, Burj Khalifa before heading to brunch.

The setting wasn’t quite what we were expecting; what it actually was was lots of skimpy dressed women with legs up to their armpits (I’m only jealous) trying to bag themselves a fella – people watching heaven. But we came for the food and that definitely delivered. As you all know I like my food 🤣 so it was only right that I quality controlled pretty much the whole lot. Get me that poo knife!

As it’s our last night here and we love a good sunset we jumped in a taxi and headed for Burj al Arab. It was absolutely stunning and this will definitely make it into our top sunsets. Momma took about 400 photos as shes now a NikonWanker. She also got sand thrown in her hair by some awful little cretins; if only it was allowed to teach them a lesson, but lets not get arrested on our last day.

Cases are all packed and ready to go for tomorrow. Dubai you’ve been amazing.

Dubai 4

This girl is on fireeeee 🔥 we decided to spend the morning on the beach as we’ve had two very full on days. I’ve however failed as a ginger by not putting suncream on my legs and arse; I think you could probably fry an egg on them. Momma is just as bad!

This afternoon was the must do trip to the desert and it was fantastic. We drove over the dunes and watched the sun go down, rode a camel, ate far too much food, had a henna sesh, watched belly dancing then lay and watched the stars. It was the perfect end to the day. We also got to see Dubai’s impressive skyline as we drove back into the city.

It was nice not to have a maccies tea, although we did squeeze in a cheeky cake there earlier!

We’ve arrived in Negombo!

Our flight to Sri Lanka was particularly fragrant (in the words of Santa; does it smell a bit pissy on here) but when you get gin, curry and actual metal cutlery you soon forget about it! I am still incredibly jealous of those with the skill (Tilly) to fall asleep bolt upright for the duration of the flight. It’s something I’m yet to perfect so spent my time having broken sleep and playing games on the ‘entertainment system’. Thank God for being a shift worker and having a knackered body clock anyway!!

A short drive from Colombo airport brought us to our first hotel in Negombo. As you’ve probably guessed, yes I am the youngest on the tour by at least 100 years. It’s a stunning hotel with a 100m pool (which yes I managed but then ended up with a rash 🤣) and posh sunloungers (no plastic blue here!) The bathroom is even outside!

Whilst most people went to relax, I had other ideas and dragged Santa for a kayak on the lagoon before watching the most incredible sunset. I’ve been lucky to see many sunsets around the world, but this was definately up there with the best.

Dinner was of course; curry 😍 Santa found the local beer and I enjoyed a very strong Mojito. Momma had her usual tipple of diet coke.

I’m off outside to do my teeth; what an absolute treat.. then bed before a day of temples and caves tomorrow.

 

Day 10 – Brønnøysund & Day 11 – Kristiansund

So I completely forgot to do this yesterday!

Day 10 – We crossed the Arctic Circle again this morning and ‘celebrated’ with a spoon of cod live oil. It was absolutely horrendous and I could taste it all day. I even struggled to eat my tea because I felt to ill. Never again; I’d rather the cold water ceremony over that!! We did get a lovely souvenir spoon; anything for a freebie!

This afternoon we stopped off in Brønnøysund; known as the coastal charm in the middle of Norway. As it was Sunday (and everything closes on a Sunday) it was very quiet but the blue skies and still waters gave us some beautiful reflection photos.

Later that afternoon we sailed past the Torghatten mountain, or the mountain with the hole in the middle! It measures 160 metres (520 ft) long, 35 metres (115 ft) high, and 20 metres (66 ft) wide and was created during the ice ages. It’s pretty amazing when you get lined up properly and see daylight shining through. Luckily we were here during sunset so were treated to some some beautiful pink sky.

Dinner was a celebration of 125 years of Hurtigruten. Unfortunately I think my potato had been fried in cod liver oil and it took everything I had to not vom all over the dinner table 🤢

Day 11 – Our last full day on board. Today has been spent mostly travelling but we were able to have an hour in Trondheim again this morning. I really loved it last time so it was nice to visit again, with a little bit less snow this time. It was also nice to see the hustle and bustle as last time we were here it was a Sunday.

This afternoon we sailed into Kristiansund, also known as ‘the colourful city’. We weren’t able to get off here which is a shame because it looked really pretty. Lots of old and new buildings lined the harbour with plenty of sea birds about.

We’ve managed to get a few games of Scrabble in today. We’ve quite enjoyed our daily ritual of letters, coffee and watching the world go by.