Day 1 – Old & New Delhi

Blogging day 1 a day late due to lack of wifi and extortionate charges from EE for data!

As Steve will be pleased to know, we got to the airport with plenty of time to get checked in, eat and find Santa a bottle of whiskey to keep him well watered every evening. The 2 flights over were very pleasant (still unable to sleep for any of it. Will never have Tilly’s awesome skills) although some of the food was questionable. The breakfast was especially odd, but hey.. it’s free!
A warning to anyone coming to Delhi airport. When it says the immigration queue is 10 mins, that is a total lie. Nearly 2 hours we queued for! The poor woman in front of us fainted; although could have been a cheeky way to get to the front of the queue. Of course every other queue moved far quicker than the one we were stuck in. Standard!

Finally we got out the airport and had our first experience of India. Wow. Words cannot describe the absolute chaos that goes on on their roads. We very nearly had a bus go into the side of us. One of those twitchy arse moments.
We visited the Jama Masjid Mosque, one of the largest in India, where I got my first selfie request. Next we were treated to a very terrifying rickshaw ride through the streets of Old Delhi. Again, words cannot describe just how busy these streets are. They are lined with people selling fruit, food, chicken feet, fabric and car parts (I wonder if that’s where FAF ended up)

We had the wonderful news that the wake up call tomorrow is 5:30… as we have now been awake for 36hrs, we had best get some shut eye!

Amsterdam day 1

This weekends blog features 2 new faces (although not new to you all on Facebook) Introducing Ben & Callum!

The journey to Dam this morning was slightly longer than anticipated due to our good friend Mother Nature who decided to leave a thick layer of fog at Schiphol Airport. This meant being sat on the runway at BHX for over an hour until it was safe to fly; but better to be safe than sorry! If you’ve never been to Schiphol before, be prepared for the longest walk of your life to actually get out the airport!

Once safely in Amsterdam City Centre we set off exploring and crammed in all the usual tourist spots like Anne Frank Huis, Rembrandtplein square, Dam square, Bejinhof Park and of course the cheese museum. Dressing up in clogs and patterned windmill tops whilst munching your way through loads of cheese; what more could you want!

We decided to try local Dutch waffles for a cheeky afternoon snack. Although cheese, bacon, onion  and raspberry sauce may sound odd on paper, it’s an  actual taste sensation. We all really enjoyed our pancakes and they certainly filled a little hole.

This evening we decided to do a pizza cruise. Myself and Callum have done this before and loved it (because of the unlimited wine) so dragged momma and Ben along this time. It’s great value so is definitely one to consider if ever you come – we booked ours through Expedia and it includes a pizza, unlimited beer/wine/soft, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and a 90 min boat cruise. We finished off today with a stroll around the Red Light District and introducing momma to her first sex shop, what an absolute treat 🤣 the weight of some if the items in there would be over your hand luggage allowance, so just bear that in mind!

Dubai 6

Our last full day 😭 only a small maccies breakfast this morning because Friday in Dubai is brunch day!

This morning we had a lovely walk along the beach and did a spot of souvenir shopping before heading into Downtown Dubai for our big feast. Downtown is full of chic and rich people so I looked totally fabulous in my £10 Primark dress. We enjoyed cocktails with views of, you’ve guessed it, Burj Khalifa before heading to brunch.

The setting wasn’t quite what we were expecting; what it actually was was lots of skimpy dressed women with legs up to their armpits (I’m only jealous) trying to bag themselves a fella – people watching heaven. But we came for the food and that definitely delivered. As you all know I like my food 🤣 so it was only right that I quality controlled pretty much the whole lot. Get me that poo knife!

As it’s our last night here and we love a good sunset we jumped in a taxi and headed for Burj al Arab. It was absolutely stunning and this will definitely make it into our top sunsets. Momma took about 400 photos as shes now a NikonWanker. She also got sand thrown in her hair by some awful little cretins; if only it was allowed to teach them a lesson, but lets not get arrested on our last day.

Cases are all packed and ready to go for tomorrow. Dubai you’ve been amazing.

Dubai 5

This morning started off with the usual; a Maccies breakfast 🍔 where the staff greet us with ‘hello again’.. they must be thinking you big fat piggies 🐷

After our fill we headed to Dubai Miracle Garden, the worlds largest (obviously) natural flower garden and it’s a must do if you are here out of the summer season. Obviously we missed the bus by about a minute so had to take a taxi. The Emirates plane made out of flowers was a highlight and I did enjoy watching the many poses people decided to do next to it #candid              It was certainly a different garden visit to what we are used to.

Another taxi ride and onto Jumeriah Mosque where non-muslims are invited inside to learn about prayers and the religion itself. You’d be surprised but I actually found it quite interesting and I was very impressed with how spongy the carpet was – a treat for the feet.

This afternoon and evening was spent in one of our favourite places in Dubai, The Burj Khalifa. Until the end of March they do a light show, a smaller display to what you see at New Year and it was amazing to watch. They did one themed around Chinese new year a few hours later. The fountains are also great to watch, so had a few sessions of that as well. We actually ate in a proper restaurant tonight whilst enjoying the people watching around the base of the Burj.

As the Dubai Mall is full of posh shops it would be rude to not pop into Tiffany’s. However they clearly knew we couldn’t afford anything as our every move was watched.

 

Dubai 4

This girl is on fireeeee 🔥 we decided to spend the morning on the beach as we’ve had two very full on days. I’ve however failed as a ginger by not putting suncream on my legs and arse; I think you could probably fry an egg on them. Momma is just as bad!

This afternoon was the must do trip to the desert and it was fantastic. We drove over the dunes and watched the sun go down, rode a camel, ate far too much food, had a henna sesh, watched belly dancing then lay and watched the stars. It was the perfect end to the day. We also got to see Dubai’s impressive skyline as we drove back into the city.

It was nice not to have a maccies tea, although we did squeeze in a cheeky cake there earlier!

Dubai 3

We started the morning off in style with a Maccies breakfast 😍 and managed to follow a map this time as we got to where we wanted to be in good time.

We were having a lovely walk around the historical district when we were approached by a radio crew asking if we would give an interview on our thoughts of Pope Francis being here… we didn’t even know he was! Thank God for a bit of on the spot bullshitting!

We had read a lot about how amazing the souks are so decided to check them out. Note to self – when in India in October wear a wig. The selfie requests were back out in force. It was also lookie lookie to the extreme; apparently throwing a cashmere scarf over someone’s face and neck is an acceptable way to entice you into a shop. Bitch please… To top if off, I was dragged into another shop where a man insisted on doing the poppers up on the traditional dress he made me wear where he decided it would be polite to have a cheeky grope. I didn’t buy the dress.

Back on safe ground and we headed for Dubai Frame, a 150m high structure opened in 2018 for views of both old and new Dubai. Momma was very brave as I dragged her onto the glass floor, but it’s got to be done.

Tea tonight was Subway. Standard.

Dubai 2

Today started out with another journey that should have taken 20 minutes but took over an hour due to our terrible navigation skills. We took the monorail up to Atlantis to see what all the fuss was about; however as we were now short on time we couldn’t spend very long there 😔 there was an incredibly rude group of people that think pushing in was acceptable when boarding the monorail that we were at the front of the queue for.. oops did I tread on your dress? Silly me.

As you all know we love an afternoon tea and the one we had today at Jumeriah Al Qasr has definitely made the top 5. Everything was so so tasty. They even invited you up to the pastry table where you could help yourself to whatever you wanted.. hello gold leaf covered salted caramel chocolate lollipop!! We had a gorgeous view overlooking Burj Al Arab – what more could you want. Poo knife will definitely be needed.

Next we headed for the Burj Khalifa; the worlds tallest building and again had to encounter pusher in-ers. Some people just have no concept of a good old British queue. The view was amazing and we were lucky enough to watch the sun go down.

We got back on ground level to watch the fountains which was a fabulous display and decided our little trotters needed a rest. However the Dubai Mall, known as ‘the mother of all malls’ lived up to its name and to get through this to the metro station was at least a 2 mile walk. I don’t think I’ve ever been so pleased to get back to a hotel room!

Dubai 1

We flew with Emirates for the first time today; plenty of leg room, proper cutlery, wine, gin, curry and a film. What more could you ask for! I still haven’t mastered Tilly’s epic sleeping skills so was awake for the whole flight.

As you all know by now I have a habit of taking the rain with me everywhere I go, and Dubai didn’t disappoint. The poncho and wanker hat were out for another airing.

Finding our hotel was an absolute joy… Momma decided asking at least 100 people for directions was better than using Google maps. We were even personally escorted to a hotel that wasn’t ours. After an hour of trying we did eventually find it; thank the lord.

As the weather was rubbish today we decided to hit the Mall of the Emirates, and as I’m not skiing this year 😭😭 I had a cheeky go on the slopes in Ski Dubai. Note to self – do not ski in trainer socks.

We couldn’t be arsed to find anywhere posh for food (can we ever) so decided to continue our McDs World Tour where I discovered the Chicken Mac. Taste sensation!

NYC 5

Sat at the airport writing this one as another trip has come to an end 😭 and guess what.. we arrived 5 hours early just for a change..! Thank God I’ve got my joggers on as I have literally not stopped eating this whole trip and am currently one chunky monkey.

This morning I was dragged around the UN building. Thanks to Santa’s hip it nearly took up half the day getting through security. Me and momma had another telling off for loitering whilst they were trying to work out why Santa kept beeping.

We decided to do touristy things today; Chrysler Building, Empire State, Grand Central and buying all the shite with I ❤ NY.

I couldn’t leave NY without having a cheesecake. Luckily Juniors cheesecake was the size of my head so I was more than satisfied. Even I couldn’t eat it all!

I’ve sniffed out the Dunkin Donuts at the airport so that will keep me going for the next few hours. We will of course be finding a trust to visit on the way home from the airport.

So that’s it for our 3 visit to The Big Apple. We will definately be returning in a few years but perhaps in the summer so I can top up my tan on Brighton Beach.

 

NYC 4

Another big steppage day of 32000 and a day of pissed off New Yorkers. I nearly got battered by a group of twitchers and Santa nearly got attacked by a man with a CD. But more from that later!

This morning started NYC style with a big fat cream cheese filled bagel. I would highly recommend ‘best bagel and coffee’ – the name says it all. Freshly made daily and a stupid amount of cheesey fillings. You know it’s good when the locals queue out rhe door.

We headed to central park for a morning stroll and walked past a group of people with their big posh cameras. Intrigued we went over to find out what was so interesting; a small owl ripping a red cardinal apart! Unfortunately as I don’t have a camera with a 1000000x lense I had to move slightly closer to the tree to get a good photo (about 2 steps closer than everyone else). Turns out doing this was the complete wrong thing to do as it caused the owl to stop eating and this meant absolute uproar! I was told off on 3 separate occasions including one about 5 minutes after it had happened – how dare I disrespect owls and make it stop eating. Now they were going to have to wait for it to start again! At least it didn’t fly off as that would have been major awks. I could hear them all moaning saying “it was that girl there”.. bitch please, I am all woman!!

As we all know Santa likes a beer so after my bollocking we went to the oldest Irish tavern in NYC. Sawdust all over the floor added to the ambiance and Santa enjoyed quality controlling the dark and light beers.

I have always wanted to try a cronut so I marched the rents to a bakery famous for them; and it didn’t dissapoint. The VALRHONA DULCEY CHOCOLATE GINGERSNAP cronut was delicious and definately worth all the calories! Check out Dominique Ansel bakery for this tasty treat.

As the weather was so much better than Sunday we headed back to the DUMBO area to get a better look at the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridge as well as the skyline. This is the perfect place to capture sunsets over the city as well as the famous view of Manhattan Bridge framed by buildings either side. Momma was able to use her new toy (it’s a camera you filthy animals) and got lots of amazing photos.

We had a chilly walk back across the Brooklyn bridge into Manhattan, back to the room for a cheeky charge before heading to a brewery for tonight’s food and a final stop in Times Square. Santa was offered a CD by somebody in the street but unfortunately didn’t seem to understand the etiquette and didn’t realise this CD wasn’t free. Marching off with said CD and he was chased by a very angry man who was not the sort to mess with!

Bags are now all packed ready for the last day tomorrow 😭